Choosing Fleas

Some days I wish I was more creative, more mysterious, more complicated.

Other days I wish I was more content, more open, more simple.

I had the privilege of getting up on a Saturday morning simply because I had something I desired to do with someone whose time I frequently crave. No work, no service Saturday, no homework, just the choice to spend a Saturday morning with my boyfriend.

There’s such a joyous freedom in doing something by choice.

Which has made me impatient for the day I no longer have an extensive list of required readings and can simply enjoy a book again.

Back to my story.

Matt and I decided to go to the Sweetwater flea market. World’s longest indoor flea market.

I feel as if a flea market has been established as a judge free zone where you are allowed to come as you please and the “pet friendly” guarantee is taken very seriously. The moment we turned into the parking lot we found ourselves waiting for a lady with eight dogs, each dressed in a print outfit. Laughing over this sight quickly turned into the jaw dropping and glances of “you better be seeing this” as an old man took his precious time crossing the gravel. Although, if I were walking with a cane, smoking a pipe and wearing a civil war uniform I would feel I had the right to take as much of everyone else’s time as I pleased. Of course our jaws quickly started moving again as we returned to laughing and came to the realization that today was going to be a truly great day.

Along the side of the parking lot were a few stores filled with Communist medals, swim suits, saddles and the typical creepy antiques. You know, the ones that couldn’t possibly be purchased by anyone but the creepy cat lady who has multiple cabinets filled with an array of collections. (Either that or the indie chick who fancies the creepy cat lady cute.)

Once inside the flea market, the variety of merchandise continued to expound, with a surprising amount of socks being sold. I suppose fall is upon us and we must keep our toes snuggly. I shall refrain from judging.

How pleasant it must be to be so comfortable with a place and a culture to show up however you like. Dogs in strollers. Spoon jewelry. Deep fried moon pies. Long scraggly beards. Old books. Country music. Sweet, roasted cashews. Confederate lamps.

It was a simple day, sprinkled with fall rain, and I loved it. =)

再见, 亲爱的

Freshman Autobiography

For our freshman orientation class at Lee, we are required to write a two page autobiography. Now that I am a teaching assistant for one of these classes, I decided to go back and read how I viewed myself during that transition period.

Here is what I wrote:

"Something about walking into a room full of people I don’t know makes me put on the mask of someone who is shy. My eyes dart around the room for a seat on the outside, I slowly sink into my chair hoping to remain unnoticed, I search around to see how everyone is sitting in order to mimic their actions, and I nervously laugh at jokes. But I don’t act that way because I am shy. I act that way because I know I’m an outsider. Being a [P]’s kid, a [M]’s kid, and a homeschooler has shaped me into someone who will never quite fit in – at least on the inside.

My first shove towards the outside of society was being born to a pastor and his wife. Although my dad only pastored a church until I was six he still does a lot of pastoral work and I still receive the pressure to be the perfect Holy Ghost filled PK. While there are a lot of pressures and expectations, living under a pastor has placed a lot of characteristic in me that I hope I never let go of. Ever since I was little, whenever I would go anywhere without my parents, the last thing they would say to me as they said goodbye was “Be a blessing,” and I still haven’t let go of that phrase. My parents have instilled in my brothers and me a desire to encourage those around us and propel them towards God.

By the far the biggest and most significant shove was my parents’ decision to move to China as [M]s when I was six. If there was ever a place to be an outsider, it’s as an American surrounded by 1.3 billion Chinese. China’s word for foreigner is “wai gua ren” which literally means “outside country person” which I think fits me perfectly. Between being in China during the school year and America in the summers, it felt like there was never really a place to call home and to this day I have to pause to think before I answer someone when they ask where I’m from. Living overseas taught me a lot of things about fluidity, transition, tolerance, flexibility, and the value of having a global perspective. I’ve learned how to be a respectful outsider – someone who can insert themselves into a culture without making a huge wave in the lives of those around me. While I have learned to understand anything in motion, I have trouble understanding stability sometimes. I expect constant change and new places.

But if there ever was a stereotypical outsider it would be the homeschooler. As soon as anyone hears I’ve been homeschooled my whole life they expect me to have no social skills, sleep in all day, and be the next Albert Einstein. I can guarantee none of the above apply, especially the last one. Homeschooling has given me a great love for my family. When you’re around your family twenty-four seven you learn a lot about bonding, personal space, and how to drown out noises. You also learn how to search out places and people who fit you best because you’re not constantly surrounded by people your age. Unfortunately there are a lot of homeschool stereo types I have to live down, and I will have to admit, it feels nice when people tell me I’m pretty cool for being a homeschooler.

From being a pastor’s kid, to a [M]’s kid, to a homeschooler, I will always feel a little like an outsider. I will always have parts of me that no one will understand, and expectations I will always have over me. But all of the lessons I have learned from being those things have shaped me into who I am, and although who I am has a twinge of weird to it, I would never trade it for all the feelings of being someone who completely fits in."

再见, 亲爱的