Freshman Autobiography

For our freshman orientation class at Lee, we are required to write a two page autobiography. Now that I am a teaching assistant for one of these classes, I decided to go back and read how I viewed myself during that transition period.

Here is what I wrote:

"Something about walking into a room full of people I don’t know makes me put on the mask of someone who is shy. My eyes dart around the room for a seat on the outside, I slowly sink into my chair hoping to remain unnoticed, I search around to see how everyone is sitting in order to mimic their actions, and I nervously laugh at jokes. But I don’t act that way because I am shy. I act that way because I know I’m an outsider. Being a [P]’s kid, a [M]’s kid, and a homeschooler has shaped me into someone who will never quite fit in – at least on the inside.

My first shove towards the outside of society was being born to a pastor and his wife. Although my dad only pastored a church until I was six he still does a lot of pastoral work and I still receive the pressure to be the perfect Holy Ghost filled PK. While there are a lot of pressures and expectations, living under a pastor has placed a lot of characteristic in me that I hope I never let go of. Ever since I was little, whenever I would go anywhere without my parents, the last thing they would say to me as they said goodbye was “Be a blessing,” and I still haven’t let go of that phrase. My parents have instilled in my brothers and me a desire to encourage those around us and propel them towards God.

By the far the biggest and most significant shove was my parents’ decision to move to China as [M]s when I was six. If there was ever a place to be an outsider, it’s as an American surrounded by 1.3 billion Chinese. China’s word for foreigner is “wai gua ren” which literally means “outside country person” which I think fits me perfectly. Between being in China during the school year and America in the summers, it felt like there was never really a place to call home and to this day I have to pause to think before I answer someone when they ask where I’m from. Living overseas taught me a lot of things about fluidity, transition, tolerance, flexibility, and the value of having a global perspective. I’ve learned how to be a respectful outsider – someone who can insert themselves into a culture without making a huge wave in the lives of those around me. While I have learned to understand anything in motion, I have trouble understanding stability sometimes. I expect constant change and new places.

But if there ever was a stereotypical outsider it would be the homeschooler. As soon as anyone hears I’ve been homeschooled my whole life they expect me to have no social skills, sleep in all day, and be the next Albert Einstein. I can guarantee none of the above apply, especially the last one. Homeschooling has given me a great love for my family. When you’re around your family twenty-four seven you learn a lot about bonding, personal space, and how to drown out noises. You also learn how to search out places and people who fit you best because you’re not constantly surrounded by people your age. Unfortunately there are a lot of homeschool stereo types I have to live down, and I will have to admit, it feels nice when people tell me I’m pretty cool for being a homeschooler.

From being a pastor’s kid, to a [M]’s kid, to a homeschooler, I will always feel a little like an outsider. I will always have parts of me that no one will understand, and expectations I will always have over me. But all of the lessons I have learned from being those things have shaped me into who I am, and although who I am has a twinge of weird to it, I would never trade it for all the feelings of being someone who completely fits in."

再见, 亲爱的